I really miss you. The pain in my heart is great, so I play music all day as sonic medicine.
Will make this a sticky post once I figure out this theme’s settings. That was my website before I locked myself out 😅 some may remember.
I fall asleep and wake into random time zones. Had to stop trading forex for that reason, couldn’t get to the supermarket when it first opens 😂
But anyway, the COVID-19 crisis really got me thinking, ‘Why am I living in a super expensive city when I don’t even want to go to the clubs & bars?’ I’ve gotten too old for such things; nowadays I just want to hold close to my lover’s warmth for decades at home. So I started looking at real estate outside the country, and was pleasantly surprised to find that I could theoretically live off investment capital gains elsewhere paying 200/mo. for a 1br in the midle of the city. (And then there’s here, 600/mo to share a flat with four other personalities lol. 😒)
So what’s stopping me? My student loans, first of all. But with God’s help, they’ll be paid off real soon. I just am so full of gratitude that I live among so many woke, caring people. My prayer is that I can be more of a blessing than they ever were.
I love you..
Last weekend had me crying in pain, that I could not bring more life into the world due to how depressing it can be at times. Thought about George Floyd a lot; never personally met the guy, but I’d misinterpret the fireworks going off outside for gunshots subconsciously.
Thought about the riots, the current economic ‘status quo’ and where I stand in it all. In America, the powers that be push a ‘trickle down’ reaganomics that don’t effectively help the many people I meet in my everyday life. A philosophy of ‘productivity’ that destroys the earth & creative lives of many for the sake of numbers on SSD drives. Like that kid who took his own life for thinking he lost 700K doing options trading. Your life is worth so much more than those numbers, man.
I had also suffered a physical accident a few days ago, but have recovered beautifully (95.4%!) since. A few days of rest, remembering the ‘old earth’ in which I once lived relying on adequate rest, music & heartwarming movies, and the presences of those whom have loved me and I have loved. A pleasant atavism in juxtaposition to today’s virtual insanity (no Jamiroquai 😂👌)
I hope you are all well & safe. I may not personally know you, but you are loved like a friend.
‘I have always depended on the kindness of star angels.’
Do you know what it’s like to live a healthier, subjectively richer life than those who brought you into this world? People you’ve never met showering you with love, affection & holographic currencies from 7 countries. It’s amazing, really. And it’s exciting to know that this is only the start.
I wish I knew how much time I spend just listening to music. It really helps with those time periods waiting for the really exciting moments, as well as ameliorating the pain of the not-so-awesome ones. Last week was spent constructing the building blocks of a portfolio to ride out this pandemic wave, as well as a shortlist of what to look forward to after the worst is over. This week? Probably an options purchase strategy, and learning how to compose a vocaloid on my Air.
This week has me listening to lots of city pop & future funk type music. I guess because I miss what the city used to be like, its’ nuanced intimacy replaced with the fear of your last moments being someone coughing on you. ) :
“Statements close your mind, and questions open them.” – rich dad
Have you ever told yourself, “I can’t be wealthy in a relatively short space of time”?
For years I’ve lived in first-world poverty, and experienced episodes of despair & starvation in which I’d sometimes be laying in bed just waiting for death to take me out my misery. fucking miserable.
And then I started working and eating really well! And then COVID happened, and I got a taste of the misery I thought I left behind forever.
took like two months to get unemployment, which I’m thankful for considering:
- normally as an independent contractor I wouldn’t get anything, and
- in a third world country I’d be straight fucked
I’ve blown tens of thousands of dollars before on services & things I barely remember in the past, so when I received retroactive benefits I made a vow not to fuck this up. used to trade stock options before, and SWIM introduced me to forex. I couldn’t believe the %ROI she was telling me. Well, I could believe it; it’s just that growing up, the general expectation was mediocrity.
“15% annual is the most you should expect,” says the financial experts of times past. And it echoes loudly in my head each time I purchase an options contract. Never mind that these are extraordinary times. It doesn’t help that I’m the only person I know even trading options. The internal dialogue boils down to, ‘This has never been done.’
Hours of research later, I am more at peace. It’s cool to see the indexes tanking while my portfolio just kinda stands there like a paladin with high DEF/RES stats. And the options waiting in the wings like Megumin casting that spell 😏
You know what helps? Jay-Z said in an interview, “You only have to be right once.” And certain opportunities, like pandemics, only come once in 100 years. Not to say that I’m throwing caution to the wind here, but this eureka moment only occurred to me like 8 days ago.
‘So you buy a bunch of options contracts, and leave just enough in your brokerage account for just one contract execution…’
I wasn’t aware of the riots in my hometown of New York City until the day after. Brooklyn & Manhattan, while I was less than 14km away across the water. 1807 insurrection act.
Such a waste of time, people being killed over racism & a government that doesn’t take care of its’ people at a most needed time. The thought of raising a child where Rome has burned out like a star about to supernova.
y’all, let’s just keep it peaceful.
When I was older, sometimes I could imagine that a room was a little spaceship rocketing through space. Self- isolating during these times, alone with tiny ARM processors which link me in thoughts with others blessed with internet, the memories return.
I seek safe haven in the void. Supplies are limited, and life after coronavirus looks bleak. The city that is my birthplace has changed beyond recognition, warm mom-n-pop eateries replaced by faceless corporations (not even LLCs!). Can’t smoke without instinctively looking over my shoulder, and the weed is inferior anyway. The world as taught by grade school was hollow & inadequate, at least in my zoned districts.
Life is rich. I can’t get caught up in reminiscing about the times of feasting, luxurious as it was; past tactics may not work here in this unknown space. They are things to look forward to though in these months of quarantine. I pray that you will get through these times with grace and hope.
a cooking lesson here, a musical composition there
You ever reach a point in life where you stop telling people about your hopes and dreams? Just wear the dunce cap.
Quietly, I wait for the right moment. A delicious secret that slowly approaches the point of sublimation.
Like going through a vast part of life without vitamin supplements, without iodized salt; then drinking homemade miso soup & seaweed-wrapped sushi for the rest of one’s life.
‘Dislocation’ from the normal; and that which is the norm is relative to space & time.
My version of luxury involved endless permutations of music and nutrition, dining out all the time and subscriptions to music streaming platforms. That is, until coronavirus came around.
Nowadays life is ‘relatively’ dull, having to endure sonic advertisements between songs while self-isolating. But my situation could have been so much worse; nothing is different between me and one of those migrant workers in Kowloon facing a health & economic puzzle. I didn’t save enough.
Was too busy working, enjoying life, didn’t see this coming from 5000km away. I wanted to pursue a career in the culinary arts before all this went down. Now? I can’t forget this event, so I don’t know. I’ve been in worse situations though, so I’m not too worried.
To you and your loved ones, stay safe.